Probably one of my biggest roadblocks in my spiritual formation (that I can discern, at least) is this tendency to get bogged down by my small worries (that seem not so small) and just completely absorbed in them. Not that these things have no importance, but it seems to me that I make my worrying about them all important--I let it become my life--as if there is no Creator and Redeemer who is working out his story in all of history, advancing his Good Kingdom into every corner of this sad and glorious planet.
I make my universe about me-- me figuring out whether Luke should stay in preschool, me trying to fix whatever I think is uncomfortable in my marriage, me attempting to get rid of any bad habit I have, me trying to make some kind of grade with my church community-- and I get completely absorbed in this-- and truly have gotten blinded to God's light.
After another early morning of sitting on my couch doing nothing but this kind of obsessing-- I came to the computer and read a little excerpt of some of our recent American history that seemed to me to illustrate very well this human ability to miss what's going on because of where we have decided to fix our gaze and our mind.
The Writer's Almanac (an NPR radio broadcast by Garrison Kellior which also has a daily email version) recounted a bit of the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky story. At the end of that synopsis, there was this telling paragraph:
In the months that the Lewinsky scandal was dominating the press, the U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya were bombed, killing 224 people and injuring more than 4,500, and soon linked to Osama Bin Laden. During this same time period of the Lewinsky scandal, Hugo Chávez was elected president of Venezuela, and Iraq announced that it would shoot down any U.S. or British planes patrolling the country's no-fly zones, the Euro was established, and the Chinese government announced that it was restricting Internet usage.
Regardless of politics, this seemed to me a perfect example of how easy it is to lose our life in small things, to not see what actually is going on that matters.
I must engage fully with the cares of my particular life, but I must remember this is not the entirety of what God is up to in this universe, and it's not even, truly, the entirety of what He wants to do in my life.
Now, how to do this? I really, truly do not know... only, I believe strongly in that the idea of training our minds towards God.
But I'm a numbskull in these areas. Believe me. Still, I liked the illustration and since it was from Writer's Almanac I thought I could get away with posting it here.
Have a great day--
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2 comments:
hi Jenny, I hope you dont mind that i read your blog. I enjoy your reflections. i also can get fixated on a worry that seems really small compare to the worlds problems. sometimes my worry makes me sick and sometimes i give myself a time limit. After that i make a decsion and thats it. good, bad wrong or right. this technique has helped with less acid indigestion but it may not work foryou. ps I plan on seeing julia/julie very soon.
Rose, It's lovely to know someone reads my blog. I'm often mortified after I've written/posted something--but, that's ok--i'm often mortified.
I liked your technique very much. Time's up-now decide-- it sounds like that could be a nice reminder my decisions are not ever so all encompassingly important--it would take some of the edge off of my goofy overly self-important crazy making fantasy that i am just at the cusp of controlling all things
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