Saturday, August 22, 2009

Not about poetry, but hey....

I hate justifying my actions. I really do. Here's a blog post that is purely, inexplicably personal. I guess I'm going with the strong guess that only Valerie and Carrie read my blog!

The time line for waiting for a baby from China is not growing shorte0r, but rather longer.

Now they are saying 28 months for those with Chinese descent and 41 months for non-Chinese descent families.

Two months down. At least 26 to go. Honestly, it stinks.

But also, I sometimes worry that I'll learn not to think about it. That I'll grow so tired of wanting her I'll just give up. Sometimes I wonder, what if we didn't want her after all this wait. I know that won't be true--but the reality is that we have to keep our hearts quickened with a love and desire and preparation for her, and that means we also have to keep our hearts somewhat raw with longing for her. We have to believe God is in on this--even in this extraordinarily long emptiness....

Is this how God loves us sometimes? Does he wait with sorrowful, impatient longing for us to be adopted into his family?

I don't suppose he ever worries he'll give up on his wait, does he?

I am praying that our family experiences God's grace in this and that he prepares us in all kinds of unseen ways for her to become part of our family.

Also, that he cares for her and her mother and father and any siblings in redemptive ways even now.